Unfortunately for them, love doesn’t work this way.
1. Stop chasing him.
Exerting effort in the relationship doesn’t work, but what does work is allowing the man to roll up his sleeves and earn your respect and affections. Men like to provide; it makes them feel worthy and validated in their manhood when they can be of service to a woman.
When you chase a man and do all the servicing in the relationship, you take away his need for responsibility and desire to please you. Most men don’t feel comfortable when the woman is doing all the work. They either get lazy about deepening the connection, not sure of their natural place in the relationship, or they leave.
2. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
The fastest way to make a man love you is to earn his respect and awe. A woman who knows her boundaries can demurely and simply communicate them, and can stick to enforcing them will do just this.
I spent years afraid to speak up, thinking that a man would dump me if I said something that upset him. And I mistakenly a$$umed that most everything would upset men — a desire to take things slow $exually, a desire to spend more time together, a desire to be called back within a few hours and not after a few days.
What ended up happening? I turned into a doormat, and doormats are angry. It’s a very powerless position to be in. I ended up having an angry vibe about me that came across as brittle and needy. Plus, when I did try to communicate, my message was indecipherable and men got confused about what I wanted. It’s best to be honest, direct and get straight to the point.
3. Stop talking and start listening.
Women have a lot to say and we need a man to listen to all our issues. However, men need to talk, too. And often times we miss a man’s cues to be heard because they’re much more subtle. A guy isn’t going to say, “Can you please listen to me?” or, “Can I tell you all about my day?”
But he does desperately want you to listen when he shares a story or asks your advice on something. He needs you to stop what you’re doing (put the phone, your workload, the dishes, or child down) and hear him out. He needs you to listen with more than your ears and hear past his spoken words.
He also needs you to validate him often. Say, “I’m proud of you for that,” “Sounds like you did the right thing,” or, “I love the way you tell a funny story.”
4. You absolutely must love yourself first.
A man falls in love with you the more you fall in love with yourself. So few women have self-confidence and self-esteem. Regardless of how you lost your self-belief, it’s your job to fall back in love with that $exy goddess in the mirror.
Feelings of self-loathing aren’t attractive. Low levels of self-love not only affect the way you move, have $ex, socialize and share your feelings; you’re also more likely to smother a man with neediness if you have a bad self-image.
If you can’t feel good about yourself, you’re going to look to a man to be your mirror. Soon, you’re going to be constantly seeking out love and validation at a rate that he can’t keep up; soon, your desire for a sweet compliment will feel like a demand to him.
5. Soften your edges.
Most men like soft booties and soft hearts. Just like they want to curl up next to your smooth, tender curves, they also want to feel like your energy is calm and approachable.
Take a deep breath and think about a litter of puppies climbing all over you and licking your face. Their warm bellies, furry paws and wobbly walk. Awww. You feel emotionally lighter, right? Well, next time you’re with your man, smile and get to that puppy-litter place.
I don’t just suggest you do this when things are rosy in your relationship; do it when things are awful, too. You can still have calm energy and a happy heart when you’re mad as hell. It takes practice and trust, but it’s doable and it’s so important.
It shows a man that you’re an emotionally safe place for him. A lot of men are afraid of women, while women are scared of a man’s physical size and booming voice. They’re afraid of our emotions; they don’t want to disappoint us or be shamed by us in a midst of an emotional outburst.
A woman with intense, erratic energy, can make a man run, fast.
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